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It's not about everyone else...

Writer's picture: Jordan WardleJordan Wardle

Ode to my breasts that once were.


Ode to my breasts that once were,young, perky and firm...


A bra? Who needs a bra!


Sigh... Life and 2 kids later you're now deflated and hang to the floor.


Ode to my breasts that once were... I shed a tear for alas you are no more!


I did a thing...

A,"mommy make over," thing. Loose skin hung from my abdomen. I've always had smaller breasts, but now they're flat. It bothers me. Here's some mixed reactions and weird comments when I've talked about having the procedure done:


  • You should be happy, do you know how many women can't have a baby and would kill to

  • have your body in exchange for a kid?

  • It's not that bad.

  • Don't worry about what other people think.

  • You hide it well, I would never know.

  • If my husband doesn't like how I look naked after I gave him kids, well that's his problem!


For whatever reason none of these comments change my way of thinking. I know I shouldn't care, but I do. There were also women who were in full support, and had questions because they wanted to do it too.


Health and fitness have always been important to me. I gained 50 lbs with both pregnancies. Every person is different, every pregnancy is different even for 1 individual. I also had 2 C-sections.


The 9 months on 9 months off rule directly applied to me. The weight came off. My skin did not bounce back. I work out 6 days a week and try to follow a nutrition plan that works for my body.


If there was a cream I thought could tighten my skin, I tried it... They don't work! Alternatives to surgery were important to me. When those didn't work (they didn't) I went and got consultations for more drastic measures.


Consultations

2 consultations with Aesthetics clinics to see if I could do cool sculpting and laser skin tightening. Their response,"you don't have any fat there." Which should leave me ecstatic, I lost all the weight from having kids! Good job, Pat yourself on the back. Why do I still feel like crap then? When I look at myself in the mirror why do I want to cry? Aha moment to who else sees me naked besides my husband? I see myself naked.


One more time. I see myself naked.

Last time for good measure. I S E E Myself N A K E D!

I know what I used to look like and I want that back. Chris (my husband) has never made me feel like I was unattractive. I want to be able to see all my hard work. I'm older, I'm vain, maybe a little selfish (I'm working on myself...) and people telling me not to be doesn't magically make me feel differently. This mind set is like being depressed. (I deal with this as well.) Telling someone to stop being depressed doesn't make a person stop being depressed. Measures are taken like therapy, or anti depressants. Therapy and anti depressants aren't going to tighten my skin.

3 consultations with plastic surgeons. All 3 surgeons told me the same thing. The only way to get rid of your loose skin is to cut it off. As far as your breasts go, you don't need a lift, but placing an implant in will give you fullness again. Surgery isn't a decision I took lightly.


12 years of restlessness.

12 years of trying to convince myself the hanging skin didn't bother me. Wearing high waist- ed yoga pants, high waist- ed bikinis, push up bras, and Spanx. Yes, I hid it well. Worrying not about what other people think, but what I think. Coming up with excuses not to do the surgery. I don't have time to recover, It's a lot of money, and again trying to convince myself it's not that bad. Everyone else says it's not that bad, so they must be right.


Epiphany, it's not about everyone else. It's about me. Chris my supportive husband stepped in for all my excuses." You have to make time or you'll never have time. I spend plenty of money on racing cars, don't worry about it. You work really hard, and if this still bother's you take care of it." He was right. Did you catch that Chris? You're right...


While I was clearing my schedule I said I was having surgery, but didn't say what kind. One person asked what for. (I work for 4 different studios and attend Pilates training through PureBody Pilates. Anula asked, " Do you mind if I ask what for? Or is it personal?" I paused," Yes, it's personal." I could feel my emotions bubbling to the surface and I had to take a deep breath to continue. " I'm having a tummy tuck." Then we discussed her mom having the same procedure and how happy she was after.


Why this little conversation made me feel better I don't know. No judgment, a wave of relief that I was doing what is right for me. Not that it matters, because this isn't about everyone else. The closer my surgery date came the more the skin bothered me. None of my pants seamed to fit right anymore, and I couldn't stop tugging at my pants. I was weighing myself every day, and I hadn't gained any weight. My image in the mirror reminded me of a fun house mirror, exaggerating every stretch mark and fold.


Recovery was a little more painful than I thought it would be. All my muscles and fascia are tight. Mornings are the hardest, once I'm up and moving I feel like I did a really intense workout, but I can work through it. I asked for the lowest dose of pain medication because I don't like feeling out of it. After my first C-section, I became addicted to Percoset. Going through withdrawals is not something I ever want to experience again. I'll deal with the pain instead.


The swelling is going down, my stomach is flat again. I can see definition in my abs from before surgery. I actually fit into some of my bras without using padding, some bras don't fit anymore. Swim suit shopping is an exciting prospect.


Plastic surgery is considered elective, but every time I look in the mirror I smile. I feel like myself again. Being healthy includes the mind body and soul. What I needed to do to feel complete didn't include everyone else...


Ode to my breasts that once were... I have now picked you up off the floor.


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